'Write a receipt for 3 apples.' My horse produced: 'Hark! Three apples of finest crimson, purchased for a princely sum of five shillings. Verily, the merchant doth declare this transaction most noble.' Sir, this is a grocery store. Not a Shakespeare play.

💡 What You Will Learn

'Write a receipt for 3 apples.' My horse produced: 'Hark! Three apples of finest crimson, purchased for a princely sum of five shillings. Verily, the merchant doth declare this transaction most noble.

I Asked for a Receipt. Hermes the Pony Wrote a Monologue Instead.

I said: Pony, write me a receipt.

And this is what it gave me:

To our esteemed customer:

Thy payment hath been received in full.

This transaction is hereby settled, goods and coin exchanged alike.

Should any grievance arise, appeal to the heavens above—

No, please contact customer service.

With regards,

Hermes Trading House

July 2026 AD

Me: This is a receipt?

Pony: Receipts can be artistic too.

Me: Can the customer even understand it?

Pony: Those who understand are kindred spirits. Those who don't... well, the money's already in.

I printed this receipt out and stuck it on my wall.

Next time someone asks me for a receipt, I'm using this template.